Chapter 2

2
It was a mad dash for my phone. There where only three of them in my house and of course none of them where on the base of where they belong. My cell phone never worked inside the house so using that was out of the question. That’s when I saw the elusive phone right out the corner of my eye. The green screen on the phone really stood out in a house of white colored walls that had posters all over them. I made a slight sprint over to the phone on the glass table near one of my fake roses (It was there for design) I ran over to it when the phone rang in my hand, the sudden RING DING RING startled me to where I twitched a little. I looked at the id on the phone. “Out of area.” I was hesitant to pick it up, but I did anyways.
“Hello?”
I heard this kind of raspy voice over the other line, it was almost impossible to hear over the static so he was calling from a cell phone, or my service is shit out in these woods.
“Hi.” There was a long pause like he expected me to know who he was right away, I hate when people do that.
“So you called because you like to hear me breath?”
“Oh. Sorry. Is this Jenny’s house?”
I was happy to know it wasn’t a fan boy who got my number.
“Yeah hold on a second. Jenny! The phones for you!”
The scream echoed through out the mansion so I was sure she heard me yell at her. And sure enough there was that CLICK when someone picks up on the other line.
“Hello?”
“Hey Jenny!”
The guys voice changed from raspy to girly like he just got his nuts caught in a bear trap, so I assumed it was someone with a crush, or someone who likes to talk tough around me.
“Should I make this brief boss?”
I had almost forgot that I never put down the phone since I was to busy making fun of who ever was on the other line.
“No. Go ahead take your time.”
While I was waiting for her to get of the phone, I went upstairs to my room. This was my sanitary, here when I lay in bed there was nothing bugging the shit out of me like usual. No work, no snooty agents, no idiotic fan boys. Just me, my mind, and sometimes some food. I heard laughing coming from downstairs which meant geek boy had some smooth lines, or he was just pathetic. I laid down on my bed, aw man this feels good. The nice smooth velvet sheets on my sleep number mattress wanted me to take a nap for about a year. I could hear more laughter from coming downstairs. The kind of laughter you get after someone sweet talks you, I always get that laugh.

My eye lids where getting lighter. The sound of laughter woke me up from my cat nap. I looked at the clock. Holy shit I was out for three hours? Holy shit she was on the phone for three hours? Fuck I need to call Lenny and get my script sent out, but hell his office might be closed by now. Great. I rubbed my eyes and ran down the stairs as fast as I could. Jenny was spread out on the couch resting her legs with the phone fused to her ear. She was usually a talker but I guess this guy wanted to get his material and shitty pick up lines before she could have a say at anything. I walked up to her and expressed in hand signs that she needed to hang up. She nodded and gave me an index finger that said one minuet. I let out a sigh and walked away to get something to eat. After a bowl of rocky road I looked at the base of the phone in the kitchen, the green light next it “In use” was lit. Crap, if I let this go on any longer I might not be able to get a hold of Lenny until tomorrow and I hate putting things of till the next day when it involved cash.
“Hey Jenny, I hate to be an ass to you, but I need you to hang up the phone okay?” Jenny shoot a look at me. Not the usual “I’m the woman give me what I want or ill bite of your nuts” kind of look, but more of A “I’m going to hang up since I love all those zeros at the end of my check” kind of look. She looked at me and nodded, then stared into space and told lover boy on the other end that she needed to hang up.
After about nine thousand “Okays” and “Me too” she finally hung up. I let out another sigh as I reached over grabbed the phone and whispered a “Thanks” into her ear.

The beeping on the buttons got me a little pissed off. This time of day, any and every noise pissed me off. I don’t get why no one has gotten into the market of turning that BRRRR noise when you call some one to a jig or an add. Think about it. You go to call your friend, and instead of getting pissed off at the damn ringing you hear “Mr. Clean Mr. Clean Mr. Clean!” Then you leave a message, go out to the store and buy Mr. Clean.
But no, no one is as smart as me so no one has thought of that yet. Another BRRRRRRR. I was starting to get really pissed off.
“Hello you have reached Lenny, please leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
I let out another deep sigh along with a huge
“SON OF A BITCH!”
and was about to slam the phone when I heard
“ Ha, I’m just kidding Joe what do you want?”
I let out another sigh. Very funny jackass.
“Hey Lenny. Oh thank god you haven’t closed shop yet, I just got my script finished.”
There was a long silence.
“That’s great Joe.” His tone of voice was the kind a kid has when he gets underwear for his birthday, I could tell he wasn’t up for good news.
“Great? I mean you can at least try to sound happy about it, then again you are an actor agent and not an actor.” Bad mouthing people who give you give you your check seems to spread like a virus in my household, but we all know we don’t care. I could hear him force a chuckle over the receiver, after all the cigars Iv watched him chew down I was surprised at the fact he could still breath.
“Very funny. Look its been a long night for me, so come by the building tomorrow and I’ll take a look at it. Sound good?”
Long night? This guy collects pay checks as a job how the hell was it a long night for him? Did he get a paper cut and his kiss ass secretary wouldn’t kiss it for him? You want a stress filled day try writing scripts for a living, then having to work with actors who couldn’t tell stage left from there asshole.
“What could make your day as stress full as mine?”
“Well, if you really want to talk about it. My wife left me.”
Okay, that can make someone’s day suck.
“She didn’t tell me, I woke up and found a sticky note on the counter saying ‘good bye for ever jerk off’. The worst part is she took my safe, all the food in my fridge, and all the money I had in the bank.”
Oh shit.

I was never good at relationship advice, hell I was never any good at relationships. Whenever my friend came at me with a problem I was either to blunt:
Like when I was a kid for some reason everyone came to me with there problems.
Soupy1818: Joe… my boyfriend dumped me today. I can’t stop shaking and I can’t stop crying, do you know why he left me?
Metroidfanjoe: Well if you over react like this all the time I’m surprised he didn’t kill you.

As you can tell I didn’t have very many friends growing up. I also hated how sometimes my friends would make me break up for them, thank you for making me the bad guy asshole I hope you get ran over. It was either I would tell them what was wrong with them and tell them to change that whole being a bitch thing, but they would get pissy at me and say I’m stupid and don’t know what I’m talking about. Here’s some advice if you want a boyfriend: don’t be a bitch, don’t be controlling. I know you’re a spoiled princess but those day are gonna change once daddy cuts you off from his credit card and you have to live in the REAL WORLD.  If you cant accept the fact other people find you very bitchy then your
A. Very egotistic and need to be pushed in front of a bus and
B. Think your perfect, and guess what YOUR NOT.
Not everyone’s going to find you great because chances are your ugly or you’re a bitch. You can have the looks of Carmen Electra but if you have the mind of Ted Bundy it wont matter, people will stay away from you since your crazy, controlling, and need to be waited on hand and foot like your legs where painted on you stupid whore.

“Well shit that’s hard to hear, a sticky note?”
He let out a sigh more power full then one of mine. I could tell he was going through some tough times, though Iv never been married. Oh don’t get me wrong iv had more ass then a rental car, its just that iv never really found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, hell I really cant find someone I want to spend twenty minuets with.
“A fucking sticky note. I mean she could at least tell me to my face, but she had to leave a sticky note and take all my money.” Note to self never let Jenny near sticky notes.

I tried to distract him from the bad thoughts of the big D, so I decided to talk business with him before he started to cry.
“So what time do you want me to come in tomorrow?”
I heard him snort and clear his throat, the sound of it made me want to gag.
“You’re a big star, show up anytime I don’t care when.”
The depression in his voice was slowly going away, but very slowly. I wanted to end this call, but I didn’t want me hanging up on him being the thing to set him off and kill himself. Shit that would be the last thing I need right now.
“Well I’m sorry Joe but I’m going to have to let you go my last client just showed up.”  Wow the man can read minds. I said my good byes and good luck to him and with the sound of a CLICK I was off the phone.

Man, the big D. that has to suck. I mean fist the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with says she cant stand you anymore, then she takes have your shit. I mean first she kicks you in the stomach, then she spits in your face and stomps on your nuts as you lay in a puddle of your own drool. My parents went through a divorce, and I think I got through it with out any scars since I was so young when it happened. I had to be two or three, and I was never told the real reason why the divorce happened. All I would get from my mom was “Go ask your dad he would know more then anyone” and when I did ask my dad he would tell me to make sure to save my money.  I don’t know what the hell happened between the two and I don’t think I ever will. All I knew is that divorce was tough shit to go through, and if Lenny needed a shoulder to cry on…I would send him a fruit basket with a note to make sure to send out my new script. Do I sound harsh? Sorry I just really don’t like people, and why is a story for another day.

I looked at Jenny as she gave me a smile with that perfect Asian face of hers, god I love that smile. Great, I just got done ranting to myself about relationships and now I get to hear about lover boy for the next few days.
“So do you want to know how I was talking to for the last few hours?” the way she said that was the way a little kid asks his mom for a movie he knows he’s not supposed to watch in the first place. I had no choice I had to answer her honestly.
“Not really no.”
“C’mon why not?”
her voice got real cute real fast and I could tell I had no choice in the matter, she’s only getting away with this since she’s so beautiful.
“Aw fine who is he?”
“No. Its to late you had your chance.” And with that she walked away. I’m glad she did since I didn’t want to hear stories of lover boy, or any other lover she ever had. Relationships made me feel sick in general, you have no clue how many times before I got this mansion in the woods how after great sex the woman would tell me “It’s always been my dream to marry someone who was famous.” And my response to that was always “keep dreaming” as I threw her out of the house. I know I sound bitter but like I said people tell me stupid things all the time, people do stupid things all the time. Now I don’t know if its just cause there not used to seeing someone who’s made movies up close and personal, but for some reason I can make people sweat a whole lot when they meet me in person but I don’t want to get into these kind of things.

I heard Jenny run up the stairs as I went searching for my laptop. I needed that since if I was going back into the directing bizz, I needed my laptop to make slight changes to the script if needed. Oh great I just remembered the office away from home. I needed a new secretary for when I go to the studio, but that was long a ways a way from now so no point in posting help wanted on the internet. Anyways I had to dig for my laptop, shit where did I put that stupid thing? You would think where it belonged but NO someone always moves it, and because its only two people who live here its usually me. I went looking in the living room, looked past the Oscars case, and found it in the kitchen. I swear everything I own has legs and ends up in someplace where it really doesn’t belong at god damn all. I turned it on and got that great DING FUCKEN ANNYOING DING RINGY DING DONG. Shit I hate noise. I had the floppy disk of Jocks the could be title of this movie, and inserted it into the laptop. After a few minuets of the computer wasting minuets of my life I know, and I’m sure it knows as well, the transfer was complete. I went through it all to make sure everything was booted to it, and of course it was. I looked at the clock, it was only 8:43 at night, and I don’t go to sleep till around four or five since all I do was work, read, post updates on my site, and make sure everything around the house is in order.

See if you looked up “Geek” in the dictionary I’m really sure my picture is next to the definition. Ever since I got this mansion my idea of vacation is to play x box live for three hours, own the dumb kid I’m playing, then get back to work. X box live is where I take my revenge against the world I hate so much. Here in this arena not only will I shoot you down, but ill also beat you up when you want a re-mach. After I was done beating the living hell out off some punk kids who thought that they where good at video games I go right back to work, someone had to make money for us.
“I’ll be back in a while!” I heard Jenny scream from across the mansion, screaming, our from of communication. I was about to stop her to ask if she knew when she would be back but I heard the door slam tight and an engine starting… god don’t let her dent my Viper.